3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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