just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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