Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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