Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They took my balls.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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