I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
