and you said cock pushups were impossible
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
