Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
