I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
