What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
