He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
