Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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