Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize