life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize