wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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