Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You left your phone here
Wait...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
