This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
