New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
