so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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