You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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