I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize