my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize