hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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