is your mom at the bar?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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