i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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