I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize