Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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