The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
