He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
