4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We're facebook friends in real life
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Randomize
