who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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