God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
