You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
