areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize