how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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