Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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