Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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