I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
