seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
