Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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