ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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