would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
