You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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