So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
