i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You are the jesus of drinking
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
