If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
