I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
