When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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