Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize