So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
