Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
