24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
