i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
