it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
