Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
