quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
