oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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