God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
