is your mom at the bar?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm like, not good at living.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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