So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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