planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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