i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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