The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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