they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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