playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
