OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
