we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
