Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
