My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize